Chamber of Horrors 1

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It’s a sunny Friday, and a feeling of summer in the air.  All too cheerful.  You might like to step into the back room of my laboratory, where I store nasty samples in jars.

Along here are the Stunted Works. This one was a stage play that never grew an Act 3.  Was sold for TV.  Was commissioned as a 30-minute pilot, then expanded to 60 minutes, then cut to 30 minutes (but a different 30 minutes).  This one used to be a comedy, but bad things happened to it.

Here’s a fine collection of Appalling Contracts.  This one took 2 years to be negotiated and signed.  The Head of Contracts would take 6 months to answer, and then only to say she’d lost the previous set of responses.  The project it was commissioning was rewritten and finally rejected by the time the contract was signed.  I’ve got two here that actually have a clause saying ‘This is not a legal document’.  You’ll see they went unsigned – what’s the point?

These many smaller bottles here are Screaming One-liners.  ‘We know it’s a prestige project – that’s why we’re paying your client less’.  ‘We’re only interested in your client because he’s cheaper’.  ‘Oh, Meg, you were supposed to be cancelled.  I’m having lunch with an agent that I’m really doing business with’.

Next, I’ll introduce you to some Toxic Conditions peculiar to writers and agents.  Have a sunny weekend.

Image courtesy of Renjith Krisnan from

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